


The Great Kissing Contest

by LothlorienElfling



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Cousin Incest, Crack, Especially Sexually Confused Merry, Everybody/Everybody - Freeform, Fluff and Crack, Kissing, Kissing Contest, M/M, Mostly Legolas/Aragorn/Gimli, Mostly Merry/Pippin, Multi, Sassy Legolas, Sexual Pippin, Sexually Confused Fellowship, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-06-09 15:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6912715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LothlorienElfling/pseuds/LothlorienElfling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the Fellowship sets out from Rivendell and makes camp in a secluded grove, Legolas is combing his long, lovely hair. Pippin, a curious Hobbit by nature, engages in conversation with the Elf and borrows his hair brush. Tensions arise as Legolas' feels his status as 'the prettiest' is threatened. The pair agree to host a kissing contest. Whoever can get the most kisses wins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Board is Set. The Pieces are moving.

** The Great Kissing Contest  **

 

Legolas' nimble fingers twined together small, silky strands of his golden hair, forming a neat plait behind his pointed elf ears. He carefully combed through the rest of his locks with a wooden brush and then began plaiting the other side.

Pippin shugged off his dark coat and slipped his braces from his shoulders in preparation for sleep that night. As he began to pull his shirt out from his trousers, he caught a glimpse of Legolas. He left his duties of setting up his sleeping roll to Merry, and ventured over with curiosity.

He sat besides Legolas, crossed legs and watched him for a moment. "Can I have a go?" He inquired after a brief observation.

Legolas slowly arched a thin eyebrow. "Brushing my hair?" He in turn asked, halting the strokes.

"No-" Pippin tucked his own curls behind his ears and beamed at Legolas. "Brushing _my_ hair."

Legolas took the brush from his hair and slowly extended his hand to Pippin. "I don't see why not." He stated, skeptical and unsure of the Hobbit's motif. Hobbits aren't very sly, and didn't conjure sinister little plans. He stared at the youthful Hobbit questioningly.

"I like brushing my hair." Pippin hadn't picked up on the confusion and curiosity he had roused in Legolas. He thought he was being perfectly normal. "It makes it so soft..."

"It does." Legolas agreed as Pippin dragged the brush through his hair. "You're supposed to start from the bottom and work your way up." He suggested.

"Why?" Pippin questioned, not paying attention to the elf. He was far more interested in how his curls pulled taunt and then bounced back up. He watched with a dim smile.

Legolas thought for a moment. "It's just how it's done." He settled with that, taking to Pippin as if he were a child. He acted like it.

"Show me how to do those things." Pippin had moved on now.

"What things?" Legolas asked, although he knew what things.

"Your braid things." Pippin explained, still obsessing over his bouncing curls. "They're pretty."

"I'm pretty." Legolas proclaimed rather quickly. He felt a little threatening.

Pippin didn't think much of it. "So am I." He calmly countered.

"Who told you that?"

"Lots of people."

"That's cute."

"I'm cute."

Legolas couldn't really argue there. Perks of being the youngest in the fellowship, he guessed. "The more you bicker with me, the less cute you become." He warned the Hobbit.

"To you, maybe." Pippin shrugged, handing back the brush to Legolas. "Everybody else still things I'm adorable."

"You're a manipulative little imp." Legolas uttered, feeling fairly jealous. He was the prettiest. He was the pretty one.

"No, I'm not." Pippin was infuriatingly calm. "Don't give me that much credit."

"You're doing it now." Legolas firmly declared. "At least trying to."

"Doing what?"

Legolas exhaled heavily. He was done quarrelling. He was far more mature than Pippin. And far prettier. He picked out the loose hairs of the brush that came from Pippin and sprinkled them onto the floor.

"Why don't you like me?" Pippin broke the silence, although he didn't seem much affected by it. Probably because he knew Legolas did actually like him. He knew he was feeling a little jealous.

"I do like you-"

"But you're just jealous."

"What the F...!" Legolas almost exclaimed a bad word. A really bad word. "Fornication in Fangorn Forest!" He finished. Pippin snickered. "I am not jealous!" Legolas argued.

"A little bit."

"I _know_ I'm prettier than you." Legolas stated, feeling a pang of worry as he finally admitted it. And guilt, too. He didn't want to crush Pippin's feelings...

Pippin only giggled a little. "Is that so!" He challenged with a smirk.

"Well, exactly how pretty are you, then?" Legolas countered with an inquisitive head tilt.

"Pretty enough to..." Pippin pondered for a moment but only for a brief moment, before his eyes lit up. "Pretty enough to make any member of this fellowship, in fact, any male we come across, to want to kiss me!" He announced very proudly.

Legolas was almost surprised. It was indeed a mighty claim. "I've _already_ made every me never of this fellowship want to kiss me." He didn't know for sure... But he had an incline.

Pippin chewed his bottom lip a little. He knew he'd have to prove himself. "I bet I can get one of them to kiss me."

"I bet I can get all of them to kiss me." Legolas retorted.

"You're on."

"Hm?"

"A contest. Elf VS Hobbit." Pippin declared matter of factly, sweeping his curled fringe from his face in some strange attempt to look somewhat noble. "We shall start by each earning one kiss, from any one of our choice."

Legolas smiled broadly. Anybody of his choice would be easy. Especially with the heavily masculine presence in the Fellowship and own his beautiful appearance.

"And then, the real contest begins." Pippin finished with a nod.

"How can we prove that we've kissed somebody?" Legolas asked, after thinking the matter over. There were some holes in the plan.

"Easy. Either signal to me when it looks like it will happen and I'll come see, or we can sense the tension and blushes on our friends, here." Pippin smirked a little.

Legolas nodded in agreement. "Fair enough." He knew when somebody had just been kissed. He knew he could easily spot it. "You're on, Pippin."

Pippin beamed and extended his hand. Legolas leaned in and extended his own arm for a handshake.

As they bridged and became much closer, Pippin tugged on Legolas' arm, dragging him closer to his face and pressing a firm kiss to his soft elvish lips.

Legolas staggered back and narrowed his dark eyebrows at Pippin. "That doesn't count! I didn't want to kiss you!"

"I know." Pippin smiled happily as he slipped off back to camp.

Legolas pouted a little. He liked his men with much more facial hair... And height.


	2. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pippin and Legolas have their first kisses of the contest.

"Merry...?" Pippin was murmuring softly, not wanting to wake anybody else in the little camp that night. He budged his sleeping roll closer to Merry, pressing against his back. "Merry?" He prompted again.

Merry groaned. He rolled over onto his back, smiling a little at the closeness of he and Pip. He squirmed a little to get comfortable. "Hmm?" He moaned in response, eyes still closed.

"I can't sleep." Pippin stated with a pout. It wasn't much affective, as Merry was still mostly asleep.

"I guessed." He muttered softly, now turning onto his other side, facing Pippin. His eyelids fluttered gently and he glanced down at Pippin with sleep glazed eyes. "Do you want to share my bed with me?" He jested lightly, slowly batting his eyes in an attempt to be more alert. He smirked at Pippin.

Pippin shrugged a little, he didn't know it would be that easy. "If you're offering."

Merry hummed a low laugh, his heavy eyes falling shut again. He didn't say anything after, and his breathing began to become slow and steady.

Pippin pouted. And really stuck out his bottom lip this time. He shuffled closer, so that Merry's warm breath tickled his cheeks. He pondered for second. If he kissed Merry first... And Merry kissed him back, or better yet, gave him another kiss afterwards, that could count, right? Of course it would.

He tilted his head up slightly and pressed his soft lips to Merry's, not giving him tongue. He'd ask if Merry was interested in doing that with him later.

Merry's breathing hitched and he smirked a little. "Imp." He greeted again and opened his heavy eyes. "Is that something we usually do?" He raised his eyebrows at Pippin, still smiling.

"No." Pippin began. "But I'd like it to be."

"It's a little raunchy, Pip." Merry explained, adopting his usual authoritative role.

"I'll show you raunchy."

Merry chuckled and nodded at Pippin. "Alright then."

Pippin blinked. He snuggled in closer. "Alright to what...?" He shot a quizzical look to Merry, a little surprised, but very pleased, with his cousin's response. "Kissing... Or...?"

Merry captured Pippin's full bottom lip between his own warm lips. He gently sucked a little, kissing Pippin teasingly. He broke the kiss after a moment, and smirked at Pippin.

"Well." Pippin whispered, his skin feeling charged and tingly. "That was good."

"Mmhm." Merry hummed again and wrapped his arms around Pippin's waist, cuddling him. "Show me how raunchy you want to be with me tomorrow night, alright?"

Pippin nodded.

 

* * *

 

"Done!" Pippin grinned at Legolas as he caught up to the elf during the trek to wherever.

Legolas glared down at Pippin. "Wha- What do you mean, done?" He hissed.

"I was kissed. This morning." Pippin explained calmly, still smiling and even blushing a little.

"By?" Legolas demanded, keeping his voice low.

"Merry."

Legolas rolled his eyes. Of course it was Merry. "Figures." Legolas shook his head. "Prove it."

Pippin shrugged and then caught up with Merry, skipping a little to meet Merry's pace. He slowly and secretly brushed his hand across Merry's back, and then their fingers trickled past each other between them. Pippin was whispering to Merry, and as Legolas peered over, Merry was blushing and trying to suppress a suggestive grin by biting his lip.

Legolas concluded that was enough evidence. Pippin seemed truthful. He turned his attention to his own gameplay then. He was furious the little Hobbit had gotten a kiss before him.

"Whatcha think?" Pippin inquired, now back at Legolas' side and breaking his mantra of thought.

Legolas sighed delicately. "Fair enough."

"If you want more proof, just listen out tonight after midnight." Pippin offered with a smirk.

Legolas scoffed. "You're vile."

"Venereal, is the word I think you're looking for."

Legolas scoffed again and felt his blue eyes topple over in an eye roll. He then focused back on his own kiss. He had already picked out his candidate. He deemed Aragorn the most likely to give in to him. He watched as the rugged man led the fellowship. He had always had a strong bond with Aragorn. He had known him for years, and he knew how affectionate the ranger could be.

"When will you be catching up then?" Pippin taunted, earning him a sharp glare from Legolas.

"Tonight." He simple stated, a smirk creeping up his own lips.

* * *

 

The Fellowship had settled again for that night. It was very late and all were aching. There was a silvery stream down by the secluded copse Aragorn had deemed as the safest place to stay. He had also offered to take the watch, too.

"That's humble of you." Legolas began quietly and privately to Aragorn, as the group began setting up their beds and a small fire to cook.

Aragorn smiled smoothly and placed his hand on Legolas' shoulder. "Get some rest, Legolas."

"I don't think I'm ready for that." Legolas extended his arm, gesturing he and Aragorn take a seat. Aragorn nodded and sat down on the large stone slabs. "I'll keep you company."

Aragorn gripped Legolas' shoulder and squeezed affectionately. Kissing Aragorn should be fairly simple, Legolas thought. They spoke quietly for the next hour, as the fellowship settled, growing closer and their voices whispers.

"Do you miss her?" Legolas asked, his tone warm and friendly.

Aragorn smiled. "A little."

Legolas smiled back. He turned to face Aragorn, crossing his slender legs. "Not been gone long enough?"

Aragorn chuckled, nudging Legolas with his shoulder. "That's fairly true." He then thought for a moment. "You end up missing the more physical stuff, you know?"

Legolas nodded softly. "I can understand." He said supportively. "You're a very affection and physically man."

"You noticed?" Aragorn inquired, scanning his eyes across Legolas' face.

"I notice everything." Legolas proudly declared, with a playful wink.

"You're very confident."

"We both are." Legolas then smiled very sincerely, their bond was very raw, and this late night whispering together intensified that. "Have been for years."

"Is it _really_ that noticeable how affectionate I can be?" Aragorn asked gently, his smile a little sheepish.

Legolas laughed lowly, shaking his head. "Not particularly. Only to me."

"That's good."

"Is it?"

Aragorn nodded, now placing his arm on Legolas' shoulder. Almost instinctively, he leaned in. "Yes."

"I like it, really." Legolas admitted, his eyes dropping to Aragorn's lips. He watched them longingly. "It's... Comforting." His voice was so quiet.

"I'm glad..." Aragorn murmured, leaning in also. He bumped noses with Legolas, his rough facial hair skimmed against Legolas' smooth skin, before he tilted slightly and closed the gap, kissing Legolas on the mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw. How sweet. I think there's some feelings between Legolas and Aragorn and Pippin and Merry. That will not stop the game, though! Not at all! Please review, give me some feedback. I write more and quicker! I also take requests! Who should Legolas kiss next? Who should Pippin kiss next? Who do you think will win?


	3. Pimp Daddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game isn't such a secret anymore.

Pippin slumped back onto the warm gravely ground, sweat beaded on his forehead and his underarm's moist. He exhaled heavily and turned to Merry who laid next to him, panting. "That was..."

"Hard work?" Merry laughed breathlessly, throwing his head back as he propped himself up on his elbows. "Fun, however."

"Mmhm." Pippin mused in agreement. "I'm tired though, now."

Merry raised an eyebrow. " _I_ did most of the work!"

Pippin counted, shocked that Merry was questioning his exhaustion. "I was in front!"

"You spent most of your time on your hands and knees, Pip."

"It's not my fault I'm not used to it."

"I asked you to do this back home in the Shire with me."

"Merry! I was far too young!"

The young Hobbits had just finished sword fighting. Actual sword fighting. Boromir and Aragorn had been teaching them during the scorching afternoon, and they had took a break.

Merry shuffled a little closer to Pippin. "I'd like to do some of our own practising with our swords tonight. Alone." He murmured by his ear.

Pippin was surprisingly quiet, then. He and Merry spent so much time together. And after the little episode between the sheets, Pippin had more reason to spend time with Merry, doing something new, wild and taboo together. But he needed to focus on the contest. He couldn't let Legolas win, especially without a fight.

Last night, Legolas had been kissed by Aragorn. Pippin knew that. He sensed the deep romantic and sexual tension between the elf and Strider, because he's very sensitive to that sort of thing. And when he spied Legolas cornering Aragorn before bed, it was obvious to him. He silently listened, best he could, and was witness to the kiss. And the few more that occurred after.

"Pippin?"

"Hm?"

Merry nudged Pippin, resting his chin on Pippin's shoulder. "What are you doing?"

Pippin smiled softly, glancing down at Merry. "I'm thinking." He explained.

"About?" Merry screwed his nose up. "You never think."

Pippin giggled a little, pressing his own head against Merry's. "Yes I do."

" _Get a room_." Legolas muttered as he collected up the swords that the Hobbits had abandoned on the floor.

Pippin rolled his eyes, a smirk playing on this lips. "Could say the same to you."

"What?" Merry quickly inquired to Pippin.

Legolas shot them both a harsh glare. "The contest is a secret." He hissed, narrowing his eyes at Pippin.

"Contest?" Merry narrowed his eyes at Pippin.

Pippin was trust into a state of panic. Voices were increasing, and Gimli had began to notice the ruckus. Pippin exhaled heavily before making an announcement above the noise. "I need to go pee!"

"Me too!" Legolas declared.

"I'm coming with!" Merry chimed.

The three of them disappeared down past the clearing, and the rest of the fellowship finally make their debut in this is fic.

"What on earth is going on!" Gimli gruffly demanded, shifting in his seat.

Gandalf inhaled from his pipe, expelling the bubbling clouds and shaking his head.

Sam cluttered around with pots and pans, shaking his head in disapproval. "Queer, that's what it is." He muttered.

"Indeed." Aragorn murmured, smiling to himself. He then rose and addressed the group. "I'll go see what the commotion is." He stated before heading off in the direction that the Hobbits and the Elf went in.

* * *

 

"So," Merry began gently, gesturing silence between Pippin and Legolas with extend hands as they stood behind a collection of bushes. "You're having a kissing contest?" He glanced in disbelief at them both.

"Yes." Legolas confirmed.

"And you're so far both drawing?" Merry continued.

Pippin nodded. "Yes."

Merry sighed and then turned to Pippin. "Why, again?"

Pippin pouted, his head hung low as he fiddled with the leafs on the nearest bush. He shrugged.

" _Pippin_..." Merry prompted.

Pippin sighed heavily. "He said he was prettier than me."

"Technically, I never said that."

Merry ignored Legolas. He glanced at Pippin with solum yet genuine, eyes. "Pippin... I think you're beautiful." He admitted with a heartfelt smile.

"Aw..." Pippin squeaked with joy.

"Oh give me a break..." Legolas grumbled scornfully. He frowned and turned away, scoffing at the soppiness.

Merry blinked a little and leaned in closer to Pippin. "It's cool for me to call you beautiful, right?" He checked. "Because I don't wanna be offensive, since we are both dudes and everything... It's fine for me to think that, right?"

"You're a bumbling fool sometimes." Pippin smiled and giggled.

"Only for you."

As the Hobbits descended into giggles and began to flirt, Aragorn appeared.

"Aragorn!" Legolas was relived to see him. He breathed a thankful smile and Aragorn turned the warm greeting.

"Legolas..." He spoke charmingly before clocking the Hobbit kissing fest.

"What's going on?"

"Beren and Lúthien." Legolas sourly offered an answer. "That's what _that_ is."

Merry torn away from Pippin's eager lips and explained bluntly. "Kissing contest, basically."

"A what?"

Legolas presses his palm against his forehead, dreading the upcoming confession.

"Kissing contest!" Pippin announced with glee.

"Between you and Merry...?" Aragorn tried to fathom, before glancing at Legolas for help.

Legolas sighed heavily. "No, it's between me and Pippin..." He admitted, grasping Aragorn's arm and biting his lip with nerves. His blue eyes fell to the ground before he mustered the courage to come forward. "That's why we... Last night."

"You didn't use me...?" Aragorn began.

Legolas quickly cut in. "No! Of course I didn't... The truth is, I like you. Like a lot. Like these two ewoks like each other." Legolas nervously scanned the faces. "Like." He said again, for comedic purposes.

"Ewoks...?" Merry and Pippin looked at each other.

"I'm sorry, wrong franchise... The point is, I didn't use you. I like you, Aragorn." Legolas finished with a sincere nod.

Aragorn shrugged. "I know." He simply stated. "I like you too. And I'm going to help you."

"Help me?"

"Help him! Merry! That's not fair!"

Aragorn hushed them. "Let's win this contest." He nodded. "As long as you save the tongue for me."

Pippin yanked Merry's arm. "You have to help me! He's going to win!" He whined at his older cousin, pouting.

"I'm not pimping you out to our friends, a dwarf, a wizard and Boromir!" Merry folded his arms stubbornly.

Pippin tugged at his arms more. "But Merry!" He whined louder.

"Isn't the fact that I find you beautiful enough for your ego?"

"No!"

Merry threw his arms in the air. "Fine, fine!" He gave him. "I'll help you, you whorish imp."

Pippin beamed and pressed a little kiss to Merry's cheek. "Thank you."

Aragorn smacked his hands together and grinned. "Well! This just got interesting!" He declared. "Now, the prize for the winners?"

They all looked at each other.

"Prize?" Legolas echoed.

Pippin shrugged. "We never had one. Just the confirmation that we are the prettiest. That was the prize."

Aragorn nodded. "Well, fair enough," He contemplated. "But I think," He brought the three in with extended arms, and grinned earnestly at them all each. "We have a prize for the winners."

"The prize is a bondage kit curtsey of Gandalf's staff of wonders." Merry muttered sarcastically. Legolas snickered.

"I want one of those..." Pippin said in a small voice.

Merry blinked.

"How's about... A forfeit for the losers?" Pippin suggested, attempting to change the topic.

Aragorn's eyes gleamed. "I like your thinking, Pippin!"

Pippin proudly smirked. "The losing pair have to preform a lap dance together. For the entertainment of the whole fellowship." He triumphantly nodded.

"Raunchy." Merry raised both eyebrows at Pippin's idea.

Aragorn nodded. "I'm game." He looked to Legolas. "Leggy?"

"Fine. I guess." Legolas sighed again. "I agree."

The four all shook on the terms and Legolas and Aragorn began a slow walk back to the group, whilst Merry and Pippin stayed behind the bushes.

"Why are you so keen to help me?" Legolas inquired, a little uneasy by the idea.

Aragorn smirked a little shyly. "It's hot." He admitted. "And I like to win. And I like my lover to win too." He explained.

Legolas stopped, his eyes expanding to the size of saucers. "L-Lover?!" He choked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! Another chapter this evening as promised! I seem to start with Merry and Pippin and leave Legolas and Aragorn on a cliff hanger. I'll change my ways next chapter. We'll go straight to Legolas and Aragorn, and what plans Aragorn has to win! I wrote this in a day and I'm uploading it a day later! See! Comments do prompt me to write more so leave lots of feedback for me! Thank you to those who have already left some feedback. This chapter is for you ;)


	4. Sealed in Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Legolas gets a leg up in the competition. Hehe. See what I did there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to upload! I'm a few hours late of my deadline :( I lost a lot of the chapter since my phone died (that's where I write it.) I hope the chapter is good enough! Please leave feedback and let me know what you want to see!

"I think you should do it."

"I _can't_ do it!"

"You can!"

Legolas heavily sighed, glancing up at Aragorn, who was ahead of him slightly. They argued in hushed whispers as they followed the stoney shoreline of a inky black lake. The game had been put on hold, since Saurman sent a flock of cock blockers to the scene, and the events turned worse from then on.

What was _the_ worse was that on the snowy cliffs, Boromir practically had Pippin and Merry nuzzling at his teats. Legolas should have known that Boromir, or perhaps Frodo, would have been next on Pippin's agenda. What a sneaky little Hobbit he could be, playing a innocent and helpless victim...

Now, here they were, following a winding path to the Mines of Moria, he and Aragorn bickering about who Legolas should make a move on.

"If you kiss him," Aragorn's voice was almost inaudible there, "The Hobbits will take you much more seriously." He explained his plan.

Aragorn choose Gimli.

Legolas certainly didn't.

"Anybody but him." Legolas argued quietly. He really didn't want to kiss a dwarf.

Aragorn leant back and smirked a little. "Just think of it as a chin scratch!" He raised his eyebrows and then went ahead.

"That's what you're for." Legolas said under his breath, shaking his head and following Gandalf's lead to a large stone wall.

Gandalf murmured Elvish nonsense, and as the archway began to glow, he pressed his staff against the stone door, and Merry quickly inquired to Pippin, in a voice only Legolas' elf ears could sense, whether he could press his own staff against his doors. It didn't work for neither Merry nor Gandalf.

The Fellowship mulled around the dark clearing next to the glowing doorway to the mines. Aragorn was on high alert, just in case, but he was also attempting to prompt Legolas to give Gimli a smooch.

Merry and Pippin were actually not throwing rocks, because if they'd really confessed their love and sexual desires for each other, they'd be doing better things than playing with rocks. This saves us an episode with the Watcher in the Water. Anyways.

"Have you any idea who you're going to kiss next?" Merry asked, before quickly answering his own question. "Me? Oh brilliant I agree."

Pippin smiled gently. "Are you jealous?" He cocked his head to the side, eyes bright.

"Yes."

"Merry..." Pippin sighed and shook his head as he sat besides Merry, slipping his arm around his waist and holding him. "You know you're the one I love."

Merry frowned and remained silent.

"Besides, I thought you loved games?" Pippin urged with a friendly little smile which he nuzzled into Merry's cheek.

"I do." He stated, before thinking for a moment. "And I want to play a game with you."

Pippin's smile broadened. "Oh? What sort of game?"

"Every time you kiss somebody." Merry began his request, his eyes icy cold. "You have to kiss me too."

Pippin blinked a little. "Oh?"

"And I don't mean just on the lips." Merry explained, his eyes now gleaming with something that Pippin was all too familiar with.

"Fair enough." Pippin gladly agreed. "Fine."

"Fine." Merry echoed. "Shall we get started?"

Pippin raised his eyebrows, leaning in a little to Merry. "Hm?" He inquired.

Merry repeated. "Shall we get started?" Pippin still gave him a unsure glance. "Your next kiss?" He attempted to prompt memories.

"Oh!" Pippin exclaimed, before hushing himself, not wanting to cause the Fellowship to pay too much attention to them. "Yes, yes!" He purred.

"Hey, Frodo?" Merry called softly to the ring bearer, who acknowledged them with large eyes. He slowly edged over.

"Merry?" He returned the greeting rather skeptically, his look focusing on each of them in turn. "What is it?"

Merry didn't really know where to go from this point. But he wasn't going to let Pippin take the lead. He'd mess it up. "H-Haven't seen you in a while." He shrugged with a plastic smile. "How have you been?"

Frodo waited a brief moment, as if waiting for Merry to have another shot and say something more intelligent. "You've been spending an awful lot of time with just each other." He remarked. Frodo may have been innocent, but he was in no means stupid. Pippin blushed a little. "And I'm fine. As fine as can be, taken the circumstances."

Merry nodded, his arms folded together as he leant back, the broad smile still plastered on his face. "Aw, good, good..." He trailed off. Pippin glanced up at him, awaiting his next move. "Pippin and I have found the journey... To be like a bonding experience!" He announced to Frodo.

"I'm sure..." Frodo responded. He was always weary of his cousins motives. "Is that what you wanted to tell me?"

Pippin shook his head vigorously yet remained quiet. Merry spoke up again.

"We just thought we'd extend the bonding to you too." Merry offered.

Frodo looked at them again for an awkward amount of time, before speaking. "I'm good, thanks…" He made an effort at a polite decline.

Merry chuckled, which was also awkward. "Oh, come on," He encouraged. "We're family, cousins."

Pippin finally decided to join in, believing that things couldn't possibly be going worse right now. "Yes!" He chimed. "We are good friends!"

"Friends..." Frodo contemplated that very word. Merry and Pippin eagerly nodded still with their cheesy, plastic smiles. "It's a riddle...." He softly spoke to himself, glancing at the floor as he thought. "'Speak friend and enter'..." He whispered the encryption. "Gandalf..." He turned from the Hobbits. Gandalf lifted his head slowly and met Frodo's stare. "What's the elvish word for 'Friend'?"

Gandalf slowly cast his gaze against the prodigious stone wall. His lips twitched a little before he spoke. "Mellon."

As Gandalf delivered his line, the walls parted, revealing a dark abyss behind it. Gandalf seemed pleased, smiling as he brushed his senile fingertips against the gem of his staff to create a dim blue light. He stepped inside. The rest followed.

Gimli had began a mantra on his race as the fellowship crept cautiously into the mine. As Gandalf's light began to spread and touch the walls of the mine, Boromir spoke up;

"This is no mine... This is a tomb..." He murmured, as the realisation had only just struck him too.

Gimli descended into wails and cries of pain and sorrow. The Hobbits stumbled, trying to get away from the skeletons of the dwarves that lay defeated on the ground. Legolas pulled a spindly arrow from the ribs of the fallen dwarf. He glanced up and down it. "Goblins." He remarked.

Since we have no Watcher in the Water to deal with, the Fellowship lingered for a few moments to allow Gimli to weep, and then moved on. They walked through the mine, Legolas closely behind Aragorn again.

"Now is the perfect time." Aragorn suggested in hush to Legolas.

"For?"

"Kissing Gimli." Aragorn explained.

Legolas rolled his eyes and shook his head at the absurdity of Aragorn's request. "No." He firmly stated. "Now is the worst possible time for me to kiss him." He mouthed the last part.

"He's upset!" Aragorn attempted to convince Legolas. "Do you want to win or not?"

Truth be told, Legolas rather fancied the idea of losing to Pippin and dancing on Aragorn. Only a little bit, though. What was much less appealing was the fact that everybody would have to watch them. And Pippin and Merry would be so smug. Legolas exhaled heavily and then gave a nod of defeat.

Aragorn grinned. "You'll do it?"

"I'll try..." Legolas muttered.

 

* * *

 

Gandalf had lost his way. Or, he wasn't sure where to go next. Either way, the Fellowship had settled in one of the winding passageways of Moria. They sat on stone and crumbling walls, Legolas conveniently seated besides Gimli.

"Gimli?"

Gimli gruffed and tucked into some salted pork, which, if you think about it, cannot be very sanitary. Carrying meat around for days isn't safe, people.

"I'm sorry." Legolas continued after being ignored. He was ready to give up on this petty dwarf and just smack Boromir on the lips or something.

"Hm." Gimli huffed, before muttering, "Thank you."

Legolas smiled weakly. "It is true what they say." He began, not wanting to seem too kind unless Gimli suspects something. "The dwarves are brave and determined folk to make a home in such a vast area."

Gimli's shoulders jittered a little in a chuckle. "That's not a bad compliment, coming from an Elf."

"Is this Elf really that bad himself?" Legolas asked gently, leaning forward to face Gimli, there faces inches apart.

"Yes." Gimli grumbled.

Legolas smiled and laughed gently to himself. He glanced around his surroundings. Luckily, everybody who needed to watch were, and the others were paying no mind. "I wish to share with you... A tradition." He began. "That we elves do."

"Can't be difficult, then." Gimli muttered sourly.

"It's a representation of respect." Legolas explained. This was a total lie.

"Respect?"

Legolas nodded gently. "I respect your people. I hope you can have some for mine."

Gimli looked at him uneasily. "Respect for... Architecture...?" He asked.

Legolas nodded again, and smiled, amused by Gimli. "If that's what you can respect."

Gimli blinked and then agreed. "Aye. Of course. But dwarf architecture is much better..." He added.

Legolas was about to sigh heavily, but he refrained. He was close. "If that's what you think."

Gimli smiled a little, his lips partially hidden by a mass of ginger beard. "Aye." He nodded. "So what is this gesture, hm?"

Legolas puckered his lips. He closed his eyes, not wanting to witness Gimli's explosive reaction.

However, to his surprise, Gimli kissed him gently, and didn't say a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! There we have it! I hope you enjoyed. Legolas is currently winning. Perhaps Merry's jealous is getting in the way of Pip's chances of snagging the win. As always, leave me kudos and comments! I shall update ASAP. Probably tomorrow. Thank you!


	5. Honesty is the best policy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pippin and Merry share both a cheeky and romantic moment and Aragorn and Legolas flirt. Both get a kiss.

Merry gently hooked his hand under Pippin's stomach, grasping his waist in his strong arm so he could pull him near.

"No." Pippin whined pitifully, attempting to wriggle away from Merry in their bed.

Merry shifted behind Pippin, cuddling up to him close. "Yes." He muttered, closing his eyes.

"You cost me a kiss. Now I'm behind." Pippin hissed sourly.

"I'm behind. You're being the little spoon, see?" Merry buried his face into Pippin's neck, holding him tight as they laid together in Lothlorien. The Fellowship slept, comfortable and at ease in the Elvish city.

Pippin squirmed and couldn't stifle a giggle as Merry's breath tickled his neck. He then calmed and began to pout again. "And Gandalf just had to go and die didn't he, halting the contest."

"That's not a very nice way to talk about the dead, Pippin." Merry scolded lightly, pressing a kiss to Pippin's neck.

Pippin smiled at the kiss before answering. "Yes, but we all know he'll be back soon. This movie is like, 15 years old."

"You're right." Merry accepted. "So does that mean we can...?" He prompted with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"No." Pippin scowled over his shoulder at Merry. "I'm still mad at you for losing me that kiss."

Merry now furrowed his eyebrows. "I didn't lose you the kiss. You didn't even try for it. You left me to do all the talking."

"That's what I always do." Pippin said in a softer voice. Merry noted his was trying to be cute to avoid fire.

"You didn't in Rivendell." Merry stated.

Pippin whined again. "Merry! That's not fair!"

Merry winced and sighed, bringing Pippin close again. "Alright, fine." He gave in. "I'll help you get a kiss tomorrow."

Pippin smiled with triumph.

"If you kiss me now." Merry added in a rushed voice.

Pippin's smile dropped to a pout. "You said after I get my kiss from somebody else, I have to kiss you in private places." He emphasised 'after.'

Merry rolled his eyes. "Oh what does that matter? Do it before and after?"

Pippin felt a small smile creep up his lip. He nodded gently, turning to face Merry. "Just this once..." He warned him.

 

* * *

 

Aragorn sat beside the pale well, his fingertips gently stroking the still water. It was very early in the morning, the sun had only just began to rise, and the sky was still indigo. Legolas had noticed Aragorn's migration from his bed to the well and fountain, and he too had been awake for an hour or so prior.

"Finally having a bath?" Legolas prompted, stepping behind Aragorn before seating himself on the low stone wall.

Aragorn chuckled. "Yes, I am." He mused Legolas. "Good morning."

"Good morning." Legolas returned the greeting. "Sleep well?"

Aragorn shared a look with Legolas and they both broke out into soft laughter. "With those two Hobbits up all night?" He asked, a chuckle rumble in his throat and his head shaking slightly. "Not much."

"Neither did I." Legolas then shrugged. "I didn't mind as much though."

"Turn you on?"

"Aragorn!" Legolas extended his tongue in a childlike manner. "You can be crude sometimes."

"Looks like I definitely need a bath then." Aragorn winked. "Bathe me?"

Legolas folded his arms. "Nice try."

They both laughed again, careful to be quiet and hushed. The flirting died down and then Aragorn brought up the serious business.

"Has he said anything?"

"Who?"

"Gimli."

"Oh." Legolas glanced back at Gimli. He laid like a rock, hardly any movement but his thick chest raising and falling with each snore. "No. He hasn't said a word. He kind of, looks at me though," Legolas narrowed his eyes, one eyebrow arched as he looked at Aragorn for some assistance. "You know what I mean?"

Aragorn nodded. "Yes, I noticed." He then smirked. "Stolen glances, romantic stares when you're not looking," He broke into more chuckles, then.

Legolas rolled his eyes with a smile. "Don't tease." He stated weakly.

"Have you thought about who will be next?" Aragorn then inquired. Legolas inhaled, his eyes widening as he thought. He shook his head. "Boromir." Aragorn told him.

Legolas shook his head even more. "Pippin has dibs." He informed.

"There are no dibs in this game!" Aragorn declared, rather too King-like.

Legolas shrugged. "Boromir would want to kiss Pippin over me."

"Boromir doesn't know he has both options. Boromir doesn't know he has a choice." Aragorn explained. Legolas seemed a little more convinced by this.

"I still don't know... He's kinda creepy." Legolas shuddered a little. He hugged his knees up to his chest, now sitting sideways on the wall.

Aragorn thought for a moment. "Like, he likes kids?"

"Aragorn!" Legolas exclaimed. "No! Well, a little... Wait..." He shot a troubled look to Aragorn. "How old is Pippin?" He hissed.

Aragorn chuckled again, lightly. "Well he's a lot younger than you, but I think it's all legal and safe."

"Oh." Legolas breathed with relief. "That's good then."

"Why?"

Legolas shook his head. "Nothing. It's fine."

Aragorn raised an eyebrow, his head tilted to the side and a silly grin. "Well." He said finally. "Whatever you say."

Legolas never blushes, but he did then. Only a little.

* * *

 

The Fellowship awoke not many hours later, and began to ready for the journey ahead. Boromir tied the leather of his belt together around his waist, finally finishing getting dressed. Pippin sat on the wall near bedside Boromir, kicking his legs and tapping his heels against the bottom of the stone wall. He beamed up at Boromir.

"What's that?" He asked, his arm extended and his finger pointed at Boromir's belt.

"That's a belt, master Hobbit." He explained with a fond smile. "Don't you have belts?"

Pippin nodded vigorously, sucking his bottom lip before answering the query. "Yes. But not like that." He explained.

Boromir sat besides the Hobbit and turned to talk to him for a moment. Pippin sucked his bottom lip again and looked up with wide eyes. "And what kind of belts do you have?" Boromir's voice was patient and gentle, not like he was with most others.

Pippin pressed his finger on the side of Boromir's belt. "Not as wide as this..." He began.

Boromir slowly nodded, listening carefully. "Is that so?"

"Yes!" Pippin nodded again, with an eager grin. "And we have large buckles on the front, usually gold or bronze!" He described with enthusiasm. "Merry has a gold one..."

"Does he?" Boromir prompted keenly. "You're very close to him."

Pippin nodded again. "I am." He felt a blush bud on his cheeks. "I'm just affectionate." He then added, quickly sucking his lip again innocently.

"Are you?" Boromir smiled cheerily. He tucked the knuckle of his finger on Pippin's chin, below his lip. "Why do you do this?" He grinned, jiggling his finger slightly.

Pippin wasn't as innocent as he claimed to be, but he was fairly open, be it his honesty or foolishness. "Because it makes me look cute." He simply stated.

Boromir chuckled. "That is does." He smiled warmly and the leaned in closer to Pippin. "You shouldn't always hide it, though. You have a very pretty mouth."

Pippin was a little surprised. He didn't think it would be that easy. "How pretty?" He asked, now fluttering his eyes.

"This pretty..." Boromir murmured, gently and softly pecking Pippin's lips.

* * *

 

Legolas, pushed by Aragorn approached where they knew Boromir would be, and stumbled on the sight of Boromir kissing Pippin.

Legolas exhaled and glared back at Aragorn. "Pippin..." He hissed under his breath.

Aragorn peeked over Legolas' shoulder, he blinked for a moment and then shrugged. "Go and get it, Legolas. Do you want to win?"

"Not that much anymore if I'm honest." Legolas muttered coldly. This was too much effort. And Aragorn deserved a sensual lapdance...

"Honest." Aragorn repeated. He licked his lips once and then grinned. "That's what you must do. Go." He slammed his open palms against Legolas' shoulders, shoving him forward.

Legolas stumbled over. Pippin had skipped away with a giggle, and Boromir sat alone.

Legolas was a little startled, he wasn't sure what to do or say, or anything.

"Legolas?" Boromir inquired, a little startled himself.

Legolas breathed. And then thought, honest.

"I saw you." He declared.

Boromir blinked nervously. "What?"

"Kissing Pippin." Legolas nervously exhaled again. He didn't believe this could ever work.

"Oh." Boromir flushed.

Legolas' voice shook a little. "I'm jealous..." He began, anxiously. "I want you to kiss me like that."

Boromir couldn't believe what he was hearing. He choked a little on his words, just as Legolas stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Boromir's neck. "Don't you think I'm pretty?" Legolas said gently, his mouth a breath away from Boromir's.

Boromir nodded, now growing shy. He stumbled onto Legolas' lips, kissing his quickly.

 

* * *

 

Pippin, who awaited behind the nearby tree with Merry, nearly stormed over, if it wasn't for Merry holding him back. "I kissed him first! He was mine, what is he playing at?" Pippin pouted.

Merry hushed him, glancing back to see if they gave away their position, and then cupped Pip's face. "You're right." He soothed, petting Pippin's hair. "That's not fair... We'll get them." He promised.

Pippin frowned and then spoke in a gentle voice. "You will really help me?" He whispered.

Merry nodded, cuddling Pippin closer. "I can see it made you upset, darling." Pippin cooed at the name. "I'll help you."

* * *

 

Legolas strode away from Boromir, brushing his loose hairs back into place. He met back up with Aragorn.

"I'm not doing that again." Legolas declared as Aragorn wrapped his arms around his shoulders from behind. He chuckled.

"You killed it!" Aragorn praised. "You are the prettiest..." He muttered, pressing a kiss to Legolas' neck.

Legolas smiled a little. "Hm. I guess I am..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please, leave kudos and comments! It prompts me to write more! So, Pippin is on 2 and Legolas in on 3! Let's see how the rest of the game goes!


	6. The Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fellowship play a little game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've taken a little while to update! But here it is, a defining chapter, really. Could this be the end of the contest...? Of course not! Anyway, I have included some requests that Lucy suggested in the comments! I do love suggestions.

"Who's the prettiest?" Aragorn ran his rough fingers through the silky strands of Legolas' blonde hair as they sat on the shores of Amon Hen.

Legolas felt a gentle smile sweep across his face as he rested against Aragorn. "I do believe it's me, officially now, too."

"I knew you'd win." Aragorn cooed. " _Lle naa vanima._ "

" _A'maelamin Spangaer..._ " Legolas muttered endearingly. "However, I don't think it's over, yet."

Aragon nodded in agreement, running the pads of his fingertips down the tiny braid behind Legolas' ear. "They are persistent."

"The game should be ended, once and for all." Legolas stated with a gentle exhale. "I believe we have more important things to concern ourselves with."

"Like how you broke Gimli?" Aragorn suggested with a playful smirk.

" _Dina_." Legolas snapped quickly. "I don't know what's gotten into him..."

Aragorn chuckled, throwing his head back as his chest rumbled beneath Legolas. "Because he likes you."

"He doesn't like me." Legolas pouted, folding his arms across his own chest. Aragorn laughed more.

"Of course he does!"

"Doesn't."

"Does."

"Doesn't!"

"Does!"

" _Dina_!!" Legolas hissed, turning to push against Aragorn's chest, pressing him to the ground. His blonde hair cascaded down as he leant over Aragorn, a few strands tickling the Ranger's cheek. He screwed his nose up and turned away, still laughing. "Lle tela?"

Aragorn shook his head, biting his bottom lip as he grinned. " _Lasta lalaithamin_!" He countered.

Legolas threw himself off of Aragorn and rose up, quickly neatening his clothes. Aragorn took a moment to realise, and laid on his back like a turtle for a moment before Boromir strode up to them. He eyed the elf, then Aragorn on the sandy ground.

"He fell." Legolas explained simply to Boromir, who almost blushed at Legolas spoke to him.

"I can see..." Boromir began. He then turned his eyes to Aragorn, who tested up on his elbows. "Frodo had gone for a walk."

Aragorn raised an eyebrow. "Is that a good idea?"

"I couldn't stop him." Boromir defended, leaning in a little and speaking in a hushed voice. "They bite..."

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Only Pippin bites."

"How do you know that?" Aragorn promoted, his forehead furrowed. "How do you both know that? Have you been bitten?"

"I haven't." Boromir explained. "I wanted a pet Hobbit when I was a child and my father told me they bite."

Legolas' eyes were wide as he started at Boromir. He took one step away. Aragorn mirrored the look of bewilderment. "Legolas...?"

"What?"

"Your turn to explain." Aragorn prompted.

Legolas practically stamped his foot in tantrum. He scoffed and spoke. "I picked him up once. And he didn't like it. So he bit me... Is this really important?"

Aragorn nodded vigorously before rising to his feet. "Yes. So I may avoid it." He brushed the sand from his back. "Boromir, find Frodo." He ordered. "Legolas, gather everybody on the front shore by the rocks."

Boromir nodded and turned to the woodland area to their left. Legolas looked across at Aragorn, silently inquiring what's going on. Aragorn simply smiled.

 

* * *

 

The Fellowship gathered on the shore. Sam laid down a few of the sleeping bags, for Frodo to sit down on, once Boromir fetched him. Merry and Pippin occupied the space saved for Frodo until Sam shooed them on. At Aragorn's request, the fellowship sat in a circle.

Boromir brought Frodo back, both looking flustered, either from a quarrel or an expel of sexual tension.

"What's the meaning of this?" Gimli gruffed, sitting against the mountain, his axe between his legs.

"A game, apparently." Legolas offered an answer. Gimli gruntled and averted his eyes, flushing as the elf addressed him.

"Ooh!" Pippin cooed excitedly. "I love games!" He clasped his palms together and grinned at Merry, who smiled affectionately and supportively back.

Aragorn grinned. "I'm sure you will, Pippin." He addressed the Hobbit. "Would you mind passing me your backpack, Pippin?" He extended his arm.

Pippin looked at Aragorn, his hand, Merry, and then his bag. He did this a few times before hesitantly reaching over and picking up his bag. He gave it Aragorn. "There..." He said cautiously, as Aragorn wasted no time in rummaging through.

"Aha!" He announced as he pulled out a deep green bottle. "From Rivendell?" He inquired.

Pippin shamefully nodded.

Aragorn pried the cork from the neck of the bottle and poured the deep purple liquid out into the mouth of river. Pippin squealed and lunged forward, but Merry caught his arm and held him back. Pippin watched on in horror.

"Right." Aragorn continued. "Are we all sitting in a circle?" He sat down himself as the circle was made tighter and more notable. "Perfect!"

"I don't think this is a good idea." Sam began, folding his arms. "This shouldn't be a top priority at the moment."

"Well," Aragorn shrugged. "It is." He declared before clapping his hands once and beginning to explain the game. "We are playing a little game Legolas and I played whenever he visited Rivendell, or whenever we were on doing ranger duties and whatnot together." He placed the bottle in the floor. "You spin it, and whoever it lands on, you have to kiss them." The group descended into chatter.

"Not happening." Sam firmly stated, looking to Frodo. "Right Mr Frodo?"

Frodo calmly shrugged his shoulders. "It could lighten the mood..." Sam remained silent.

"Brilliant!" Aragorn exclaimed. He glanced around the circle. "Any more objections? Gimli?"

Gimli made more rough noises and shook his head quickly. Aragorn smirked at Legolas, who's eyes burned with a glare.

"Does this have something to do with...?" Merry inquired slowly to Aragorn, attempting to keep the contest somewhat private.

"Yes." Aragorn confirmed. He picked up a small stick, leaned back, and began to draw into the sand behind him. "Legolas is in the lead with three. Then Pippin with two. Then Boromir with two. Then Merry, Gimli and I with one, and Sam and Frodo with zero." Aragorn explained, much to the horror of the group. Besides Pippin. He seemed pretty proud.

"Actually-" Pippin began, as Legolas' head fell into his palm. "Legolas is on four. And I'm on three."

"On-three, what??" Sam demanded his eyebrows narrowed as he looked at all the mortified faces.

"Kisses, Samwise. Kisses." Pippin explained.

"You kissed?" Aragorn prompted a question.

Pippin nodded. "We did."

Merry inhaled heavily and shook his head. "I should have known..."

"Whoever gets the most kisses, wins." Legolas expanded to Sam, trying to change the topic. "And the competition has opened up to the whole fellowship..." He sounded as if he was telling himself rather than the group.

"Shall we begin?" Aragorn placed a palm on the bottle.

"Wait, wait, wait..." Merry held out a hand to halt. "What if you don't want to kiss somebody?"

Aragorn thought for a moment. "No points, and the person with the most passes has to do a forfeit." He then grinned. "And it won't be kind."

The group talked for a moment, some with raised voices, until Aragorn span the bottle.

It twisted around and around in the sand until it fell to Pippin.

Aragorn shrugged a little. "Not a bad start. Come hither, and if you bite me..."

Pippin crawled forward to Aragorn and leaned up. "Only if you ask me too." He puckered his lips and Aragorn closed the gap. They kissed for a few seconds before Aragorn broke away and picked up his stick.

"One for us both, then, Pip." Aragorn drew in two tallys, one under his name and one under Pippin's. "Now, to keep this as fair as possible, let's just go around in the circle. Legolas?" Aragorn addressed Legolas, who sat to his right.

Legolas smoothly extended his arm and span the bottle, hard. It quickly circled the group a good few times before landing on Frodo.

"Two Peredhil in the matter of days..." Aragorn mused and with a slight shake of his head.

Legolas shot a glare at Aragorn, and crawled forward to Frodo, who seemed cautious and unsure. He pressed a small kiss to his lips. Sam shook his head in disapproval and Aragorn chuckled, and wrote in the score with his stick in the sand.

"Next!" Aragorn gestured to Gimli, who also seemed hesitant. He shifted in his seat, exchanged looks with the rest of the Fellowship before reaching over, spinning the bottle and watching anxiously as the bottle slowed, and the neck rested on the ground, right in front of Legolas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elvish Translations! 
> 
> Lle naa vanima - You did well. 
> 
> A'maelamin Spangaer - My beloved bearded one. 
> 
> Dina - Be silent. 
> 
> Lasta lalaithamin - Listen to my laughter. 
> 
> Peredhil - Halflings 
> 
>  
> 
> Well, I think I got them all. Thanks so much for reading! The game will continue next chapter, the fellowship will each get two turns ;) Please leave Kudos and comments!


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